I am a Contradiction

I have loads of new photos to upload Image

but chose to showcase this one as part of my subject line.Look at the road, the scraggly, patchy grass, the old boat and the blue water and cloudless sky. Take in the pier that was destroyed and the boat that has been neglected and forgotten. The blue, cloudless sky and fluid water denotes a new day waiting to be explored. A new beginning that must be taken one feeble step forward at a time.

I do not know where life will take me and although I am making loose plans for my future I wonder if I am moving too fast and should stay anchored here while I heal my inner child and chase away adult demons. I fell in love with the man of my dreams this morning and find that hope of meeting him or someone like him could be possible. I know that anchorage would not benefit my healing so I will not pursue that thought other than chalking it up to a grain of hope in my future.

ABetterManProject post inspired me to think about my Bucket List in greater detail. I need to get get busy and quit this moping and procrastination that has taken over the better part of this week. I still feel like Jack Sparrows compass and feel the fear of lacking clear and true direction. Still, moving forward on this path doesn’t have to be all fearful like the road to Oz, one step at a time will give me glimpses of cloudless skies and fluid waters and I will realize the path is lined with gold after all.

Thank you, The Better Man Project for giving me hope as I struggle to pry my hands off from a 20 year marriage that had held so much of me in it’s clutches. As I remove myself from the quicksand of it’s demise, I am finding hope in every new contact, every new day and having faith the size of a mustard seed. Like my name sake, “Phoenix“, I am constantly being reborn. Birth in itself is change and change is often uncomfortable and pain -filled, yet offers a new beginning I cannot ignore. May you find solace in change through hoping of a better future and continual betterment of your self. I want to be The Better Woman Project and in many ways I am finding my own way towards that path.

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