Changing My Mind

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I chose this quote to share because everyday there are a multitude of possibilities that are laid at OUR feet. We can choose to ignore, discount or turn our eyes away from them, yet still, we are given a choice to choose and then follow through. I have been struggling with letting go and then choosing again. Letting go of what is no longer serving my higher good and choosing to fill in the gaps of things (issues, life patterns, etc.) with new and exciting possibilities. 

I have shed enough tears in a million places in front of dozens people who truly don’t know me. I’m crying as I write. I know it is stemming from mourning for what once was and loving what is now my life. Crying at work while my boss is trying to comfort me (she said) is not normal. How does a person who needs to work for some solvency, grieve in a nice, neat package?? As I was doing my job I wondered how do other people cope and am I ‘not normal’ to need help beyond the comfort of mostly new friends who struggle to know how to comfort me? 

The truth is I haven’t cried, really let go, in such a long time. My relationship with my husband didn’t allow it much and I tried not to feel as deeply as I am wired to. So, these moments when I burst into tears for seemingly little ripples, perhaps from an outsiders view, seem not normal. I told my boss last night, “Just be mean to me will you???” Had she been stern and not concerned I could have bucked up and not shed a tear. 

Crying in public makes everyone involved uncomfortable. It is like dying; we just don’t want to think about it, let alone do it. So generally, crying ( as dying) is a taboo our society at large (in America) seems to shy away from confronting. Yet, sadness, a core emotion everyone owns but doesn’t own up to, is normal. Grieving is normal. It is easier in our society to show anger (even when shockingly inappropriate) than sadness, which is normal. I believe that if more people allowed themselves to release sadness, later in life that scowl or smile that tries to hide our sadness, that mask, will never distort our bodies and faces. 

So many have this hunched over look that life has placed this huge bundle of all those negative emotions on top of our shoulders. We don’t see that it is there because we are so adapt to hiding our thoughts by adopting ways to ‘check out’. I am not immune to that; in fact my habits of checking out when life gets me uncomfortable has been glaringly clear for some time now. My most notable, yet most loved ways of not seeing the “real” picture, is my knack to see life from an optimistic viewpoint. Generally, I see the glass mostly full and can relate into dialog with people and on paper that stance. Still, if I do not allow the sadness of this monumental life change to release, it can and perhaps in time, will, change me in a way that will not benefit my soul.

Daily, I have choices. So do you. Dwell in the Possibilities. React to change in a positive manner. I am giving you permission to grieve opening-ly, freely, publicly. If you feel you need to. I am not a robot, I am not logical and often I get a wild hair up my derriere. I’m allowed to change my mind and react with wild abandon. I am allowed to make mistakes and can choose to learn from them ~ or not. I am reminding myself and sharing with you, we have the right to change our minds, to grieve through changes and not allow these things to negatively affect us.

Today, I vow to do better. I know what I need to do. I just need to take action and do it.  

 

3 thoughts on “Changing My Mind

  1. Pingback: Changing My Mind | soulfoodwords

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