This Full Moon is about emotional declarations. Something has been building inside of us, likely of an intimate nature, and now is the time when the energy of the cosmos fairly demands that we let it out. Over the next two weeks, we will discover what this declaration means for us. For now, we can’t sit on our feelings. We need to express them. The Full Moon illuminates this conflict between collecting and sharing.
I get this. In fact, I got this a few days before last nights full moon. It was like this internal storm brewing, and for me, to have this feeling so soon after the last bout of internal anxiety seems – monumental to say the least.
I have been struggling with change. With the separation, the pending divorce, the move away from family, the evolving dynamics of familial ties beyond the core unit, getting use to and accepting solitude, all these changes have had my head reeling. Most of all, the conclusion of knowing I will be moving again in a few months time, just has me in a tail spin. Internally, this change, I know, is necessary. Financially it will be a big help, as long as I have found employment once I get to the new city. I won’t have rent, although I am sure if I can I will help out in any possible way, both physically and financially. Still, another move seems daunting and I wonder occasionally if I even want to. Moving away from here won’t really prevent me from seeing my family here. Sure, the visits will be every three months or so, and would require me making that drive back here. I would have to stay with my in laws overnight as the drive here and back would eat up a good portion of the day I wouldn’t readily want to give up. I would miss have the knowledge I could “see” my kids at anytime. Moving over 2 hours away will take that away from me. Familiarity would disappear, in that I have really only been living here in this area for a little over two years. I am only now getting familiar with the area to where it is feeling like home. The familiarity of living in this home for three months, getting to know my neighbors, getting to know this little town and enjoying the familiarity of work as mundane as it is, will be lost as well.
I am not one to be hesitant of changes. Everybody changes, morphs.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
So, in closing, God Bless me beyond reason. Expand my territory. May your hand entwine with mine, guiding my decisions. Keep me from making decisions that may cause pain. ~ My version of Jabez’s Prayer
Change in itself is painful. Through that pain, both intrinsically and extrinsically change occurs. I know that letting go of the past, moving on to another town, letting go of family that I was so close to in a way to place distance between us, is going to be good. All things in life are not permanent, therefore this change also doesn’t have to be permanent. I will let go of this turmoil and fear and embrace the changes I see happening. I offered this to the moon last night. In return God’s hand will guide me, comfort me and the Universe responds.