Wow. So true. I am in need of a punching bag. Or a rubber room. Maybe taking a run in the rain until I collapse.
I have read, reflected and contemplated where this anger lies; sure the last 72 hours, f*ck, last 5 days, have caused that tiger lying dormant to surface. Ekhart Tolle offers that I need to examine the anger. This video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwT_aRJBRwg says imagine the anger and then wrap it in love like a force field ~ ok that is my rendition of the concept, Star Wars style. Bathe the f*cker in love. Well, all in good with the concept yet in reality I just need a good outlet. Stomp my feet and scream “It just isn’t right!!”
Bottom line folks, I am angry at myself for letting this get out of control. I should have taken charge back in 2007-08 when I knew it was all going to sh*t in a hand-basket. I was weak, afraid, and naïve and didn’t think taking my kids away, far away was the right decision. Apathy kills, albeit, slowly. Perhaps what I despised in my ex- husband is only a reflection of my own nature. Does accepting apathy in others that affect my children, gets me off the hook when I fall short myself?
Anger is one short letter away from Danger
I believe this is true. Anger unchecked can lead to danger. I will do my best to control the beast while practicing self- forgiveness. Retrospect is always a good thing to learn from. Perhaps learning this now is going to help me with bigger things to come. I’d like to think not; however, focusing on a more positive outcome will serve my higher good rather than fighting the demon I have created in my mind.