A Week That Sparks Awareness

Sometimes things just click, as if God whispers in my ear and I find that I am actually listening. It is so awesome ( my meager human word to describe anything beyond my scope of understanding) when I am actually aware of these sparks and how they are influencing my life in this moment of time.

On travel: I was able to do more in 48 hours than most people my age would ever attempt. I felt on top of the world this weekend as I said ‘yes’ and ‘yes’ again to the opportunities laid before my feet. My cousin was my gracious host, allowing me a glimpse into his world, showing me his passions and interests. For this I am forever grateful! I was able to go from coast to coast ( Florida that is) in a car, experiencing the trip through new eyes. I dwell in the possibilities of a longer, daunting yes, trip that I have been planning for in a year. This one is something of an on again/ off again day dream in motion, yet after this weekend it must be done! Alone! Ok, not quite, my partner in crime, my cat Miu, will join me on this trek. I also invited my son and of course that door is always open to possibility although every time I mention it he says, “Not this summer.” 

Here is Miu acting uninterested or plotting destruction: 

ImageThis thought re-visited reminds me I need to update my Bucket List and spend more time writing instead of thinking about writing, talking about writing. 

On Love: It seems as if I am coming full circle. Just lately, I have been able to, through a series of events, forgive. Through forgiveness, my heart has opened up and my soul basks in the warmness of love’s light. I’ve become stronger in my faith, my mustard seed is bearing fruit! I am becoming stronger in my direction, whereas before, oh about two weeks ago, I felt like I was still wandering in the forest. I am entertaining possibilities that defy logic, yet are built on solid ground. My soul sings with joy. I have a constant smile on my face. I am warned not to feel too much, yet this wave of love only wants to grow. Yes, I am aware of the dangers of feeling too much. I could get seriously hurt in the process. Yet, right now, a month after the completion of my marriage, I am feeling truly blessed beyond reason. I feel I have won the lottery of love. 

About Writing, Exercise and Meditation: Starting at meditation; I need to. I’ve been told that learning to meditate and making time for that, even for a handful of minutes a day, will get me closer to Spirit. The soul can only benefit from meditation. I am also drawn to re-learning my Reiki practice. I never went on to teacher/ healer status, but years ago I did make it through three classes, just before the year – long internship and fruition of the years of solitary practice. Exercise has been a part of my life in bits and spurts. When the Zombie Run was canceled, I bought new shoes hoping to not get out of my daily run. Yet, like in previous attempts, if the carrot isn’t dangling in front of my nose… well, you get the outcome. I dropped daily runs soon after the cancellation and feebly attempt a walk/ short run only once a week at best. I have to drag myself out the door like a defiant 2 year old. I need to get back to running. Or yoga, something I made a daily practice but dropped when my marriage hit the rocks and developed a hole compared to the size responsible for the Titanic sinking. I lost all desire then to take care of myself. Internally, I am working great things, but externally I am getting soft, finding sedentary aches a common place and wonder why I do this so often when it is obvious progress is being made? It is like I am afraid of physical  (outward) success. This also mirrors in my writing. I write, then for weeks, I don’t. I got business cards made that say I will write for money, yes a freelance business, yet they have still sat in the box for the most part. I haven’t taken the baby steps to get it going. It is ALL about the outward steps. It is all about the fear of being greater than what I think I am inside. It is all about having to work the talk. Get dirty and make mistakes. It is all about the fear of rejection or negative reaction or the ‘what if’ syndrome. Fear, worry, failure. Yes, I am aware of all three lurking in the corner, shouting at me. Scaring me into inaction, smaller than my dreams, wants and desires.

Lastly, it seems that allowing these things in my existence of day to day wanderings, has given me a profound sense of peace. Contentment and whatever else words fail to describe the feelings I am experiencing today. I am on my ‘right’ path. I am finding that challenges, both internal and external, both spoken and unspoken are always a part of the journey. I need to embrace them as much as or more than those moments of bliss. A hero learns from adversity and becomes stronger. I am that hero and I love who she is becoming.  



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