The very first thing to come to mind about me making a decision and then flip flopping back to what was originally going on is my relationship with my ex – boyfriend. I was in turmoil about two weeks ago; so many things whispered you need to let this relationship go. I got myself worked up with gloom and doom, mostly because I love, LOVE, LoVe his company. Yet after telling him we have to be through, we can’t go on with this, I missed his presence so much that after three days I sent him an e-mail. One that said “I miss you” but I am confident my decision to break things off between us is better for us both.
He sent me a text and the rest is his story. In my mind he is still my “ex”. Maybe that alone was all I needed to do to forget about the expectations I undoubtably placed on our young relationship. I took full blame that it was my issues that I felt seperated us. My personal baggage that I am still trying to unload from my heart and soul. It is so hard not to fall back on past experiences, fears and doubts and overlay them on current relationships, friendships and experiences. I know as humans we are all guilty of doing that. My contribution was mucking up a perfectly good relationship with this man.
We are back to seeing each other about four times a week. I am more relaxed and not so edgy that he is going to walk away at any given moment. I’ve stopped thinking of myself as his mistress and he is working on including me into his community and tight knit circle of friends. We are both working on building our network of mutual friends that aren’t his or mine. I think we are both content with how things are developing even sometimes at a snails pace. I know that all good things will come to an end, I just hope I can keep my doubts and fears locked in the deep recesses of my memory banks, filed under the PAST and not with the PRESENT or FUTURE.