Homelessness

Well now, I may be homeless. I woke up this morning wondering why on the 3rd day of handing over the keys of the apartment I feel like I am on sinking sand.

  • All of my possessions are crammed in my 2008 Dodge Caliber.
  • I am staying at a friends midway to my aunt and uncles where I will reside for 6 months or less.
  • I am sleeping in my friends bed or on the couch or not sleeping at all or sleeping too much. 
  • I do not have a job.

My back has locked up on me today. I spent most of yesterday in a blubbering pile on the couch. I didn’t leave the house. I need to force myself outside this house. Hiding is such a comfort. Depression hovers above me, in me, in the air I breathe.

I know this is temporary. I am homeless. I am dependent on others in a way that is not unlike a child. Still today I feel every minute going by at a snail’s pace. I feel like I should be doing something. I should be working or finding work. Instead  I am defining homelessness and social distress. That one, social distress, is a new one on me. It’s definition is just what I am feeling. Everything that was me; independent, a part of a social circle, a person with 2 jobs, to now – dependent, homeless, afraid, unsure,jobless, I don’t belong, where do I belong?

What is Social Distress?
• Social distress is a disruption in one’s social life (changes in roles,
relationships, sense of belonging, sexual function and appearance) that
causes a suffering of mind or body

What are the Signs and Symptoms of Social Distress?
• Talking about feelings of
– Being lonely and/or feeling alone
– Not being able to carry out personal roles as spouse/partner, parent,
friend, etc.
– Not being able to do your job
– Shame or failure regarding not being able to have or lack of interest
in sex. This could be due to illness and related issues
– Being a burden to those providing care
– Financial burdens
• Not wanting to receive company or visitors. This may include even
close friends or relatives. 

 

I am homeless. It is more than physical displacement. I gave up so much of myself, who I was, when I handed over those keys and drove away. The mental anguish that I am experiencing in the aftermath of this change is mind blowing.  I didn’t expect this. To be continued….

Image

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s