No I don’t have any new photos nor do I want to search for any. I am in a funk. It’s been four days here. I am welcome yet I have it in my mind to keep everything in boxes so at the slightest hope in going back to the town I just came from transpires. Today I got some school work done but did not go out job hunting. I went through my Oh MY GoD this is HEAVY box of writing how- to books and discarded about a dozen of them. The box was still heavy but I was able to carry it back out to my car, disguised as a storage unit, with one arm. November 14th can’t arrive soon enough. I miss my home town. I am homesick. I am sick of my weepy – ass self. I am disgusted that I can’t seem to get much done. I feel like my brains are in a blender on high speed. Concentrating is a big deal.
My body aches because I am afraid to walk in the neighborhood. Even the lovely park across the highway is foreboding with advice not to go there since the murder last week, month, year or decade ago. Everyone looks suspicious outside my borrowed bedroom doorway. Over night I have become a hermit in my own head. I crave social interaction but am attached to the computer while thoughts with scissors play games of roulette in my head. I should have kept the yoga mat. I gave it away to make room for the cat. A hasty decision at best. I have four boxes of books in my car! Did I really need to keep this much? Sigh… I thought I did good. I thought my identity wasn’t tied to things, that things are easy enough to let go. How wrong was I about that? I HAVE to pare down some more. There is just too much stuff.
I am a miserable mess. Yes I will post this and share. Then I will go crawl back into my hole, put my nose in a text book, pull up my big girl britches and GET OVER IT. Pity party has officially ended. Please resume your regularly scheduled rounds.
P.S. I DO have new pictures to show off; I just don’t feel like downloading them tonight! Yes, I am acting like a two year old!