This month I have been packing and sorting and giving things away. I am moving. It is not a change I am welcoming and although I am not dragging my feet in anyway, I am digging my heels in and begging to stay. This tug of war is making me feel like this:
Like I am battling a charging bull. Facts are facts though and there aren’t any options feasible left for me here. At least on the not so distant horizon. I am not moving into a bad situation. My conundrum is based on loosing some independence temporarily, and moving away from my nearly adult children. The loss of independence is not as painful as the distance away from them. I’m not allowing many emotions seep past my iron clad wall of “Hey, it’s all good” outward illusions; however, once settled in my new digs ( a room in my aunt and uncles home) I will become the epitome of sadness. Don’t get me wrong; I am grateful beyond measure that so many of my friends have rallied around me during this transition. Some, ok, one in particular, has gone far beyond family members (save my aunt and uncle, who has opened their home to me) and although he continues to want to help, I feel I have to stop him. It was hard to see the distinction between my desire to stay and the dead horse in front of me.
I wrote the above a week or so from the actual move. I’ve been here three weeks now. Although the first week here I cried all the time, I can report to you I am making strides in my new town. I will be employed next week. I am networking my butt off; this city has quite a few nonprofit organizations within just a few miles that will entertain a student intern who wants to be a grant writer. I busy myself with doing things around the house to help my aunt take care of my uncle’s medical disability. She told me last night just me taking care of the house relieves her load after work where she has time to relax. I honestly just don’t know how she did it before and still functioned well enough at her full time job. My college classes are well maintained; in fact this term has been my best in over a year. Not only am I enjoying the classes I am learning and have the high grades to prove it!
I miss my friends and family back “home”. I do hope to return there within a year. For now though I just have to embrace the opportunities given to me here and do what I can to reduce my debt, so when I do return, I can be independent once more.