Write about a noise — or even a silence — that won’t go away. (We’ll let you interpret this in different ways…)
Photographers, artists, poets: show us ANXIETY.
In my former life I loved the holiday season. My birthday is during the week of Thanksgiving, so often it is rolled into the festivities and most of all the family was around me. I feel quite blessed that my birthday is celebrated during the holidays. This year, without much forethought, I looked towards the holidays with hope and that child-like wonder I have always had since birth. My mother tells me my birth story every year, and the reason behind my name, Natalie. I decided to make my way into the world a month early, nearly to the day of the original due date of December 25th. These spoken and unspoken words of association; my name, my birth, the time of year, is all about family, love, God and happiness. Needless to say, as an adult, I embraced the holidays with joy in my heart.
This year is different. A total, complete change. Thanksgiving and my birthday with extended family that took me in. My children and my husband’s family that became my family, in another town two hours away. No decorations, no familiar ties to this new town, other than my aunt, uncle and cousin, no tree this year. Please forgive me of my silence. This holiday season has me feeling anxious about future ones. I do not want to sing Christmas carols with you, post any cards or put a smile of love and gratitude on my face. I’d rather sit in my own grief of what has been lost than say Happy Holidays to all. I do promise to be better next year. By that time I would have survived this first year utterly alone with my misery and loss and know that next year I will be better. Next year I will join in the festivities. Next year I will invoke smiles and laughter. Next year I will put up a tree, embrace the memories of the past and buy new ornaments. A fresh start, that is exactly what 2014 will be.
Thank you for giving me the space to say Bah- humbug. I hope my anxiety over this holiday season hasn’t brought you down. At least now you know why I am behaving so poorly.