Life; the Sunrise, After the Sunset of a Long Marriage

“As I look back on my life, I realize that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.” ~ Steve Maraboli

Had I seen this quote two years ago when I was told to leave my home I had made with my husband and children, I would have probably laughed bitterly. I was married 20 years. For someone to be with another person, his family, friends, and animals; have two children together, and worked things out through many bad times, the walking away was nearly devastating to me. Who was I really? At the time my children were not speaking to me. Was I a wife? Not anymore. Was I a mom? Yes, just silent in the shadows. Was I single? In a tangible way, yes; mentally no. 

In many ways I felt alone, abandoned by many. I felt rejected.

The first few months were so hard. I found companionship with a man, who in age, could be my father. I latched on to him like a life raft. I felt as if I were drowning in my grief. I survived, I persevered, and even to my surprise, I thrived. Those first tentative steps into single status were daunting on many levels. I was responsible in making money to pay the bills. I had taken the first apartment I saw, hoping to live off student loans and grant money to supplement a paltry check from a part-part-time job. That means 15 hours a week. I took a 2nd job. I tried to keep above water financially, but in the end I fell behind and had to move in with family.

Ten months later, I have come full circle. I was able to move back in the same town I left, less than ten minutes from my children. I can see them several times a week and they can see me when they want. I am finishing up my bachelor’s degree and was able to get a paid apprenticeship at a nonprofit which gives me the opportunity to work in my chosen career. I am living in a lovely apartment nearly half of what it cost me last time to live in this area. I am truly blessed.

It has taken nearly two years, a divorce that cost me more than I could afford, yet with the help of family I survived. I can now look at this quote and smile. I can say life is 110% better than before and getting better all the time. 

Don’t lose hope. A mantra I held dear for the year I lived 2.5 hours away from my children was, “Have faith the size of a mustard seed.” Many days went by and I didn’t see or feel I was moving forward. I felt defeated at times. Yet I kept in mind that emotions are a fickle bunch and they are often temporary. I have the power to control them and my outlook. I started thanking the Universe for every little gift. I asked the Universe for guidance to see doors opening and I would do my part.

In order to create change, we have to be the change. I think Mahatma Gandhi said that. I could be wrong, but really think about this today. Be the change you seek in life. Keep your dreams alive and strive everyday to live them. Reinvent yourself if that is what it takes. Don’t take seemingly ‘bad’ set-backs to heart, they too are temporary.

We are all being redirected to be something better. Strive to be a better YOU. You will not regret it.

 

 

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