Bashar’s 7 Steps to Manifesting

(A re-write of a video produced and viewed on Facebook)

  1. Visualize what you want

  2. Be excited by the outcome

  3. Believe that what you desire is possible to manifest

  4. Accept your belief and your ability to manifest it as being true

  5. Want and intend are different. You must have the intention to manifest your desire

  6. Act and Behave like your desire had already manifested

  7. Detach from the outcome. You have to be intense in your desire without any expectation that it manifests

November 2016

My birthday just passed this week. A milestone in that I am now on the fast track of arriving at 50 the next go around. Wow in so many ways. I’ve accomplished a lot in these 49 years but I have so many more things that I’d like to do in the next 51 years! I am not ready to let go of all of my dreams and desires.

I joined a gym at the end of August and have been pretty consistent (up until two weeks ago when the retail work I do amped up my work hours) and I plan on hiring a trainer in January. January is a pivotal month; I will reach my year anniversary at work and I will be able to invest in my retirement which I don’t plan on until I am close to 80 years old. In this last year, I’ve made soft plans to prepare for the 2nd 50 years of my life. Not many people actually make these improvements to better their chances for another 50 years, yet I plan on leading an active and healthy life so I have needed to think in such a way. Or at least I believe I do.

I am wanting to learn gun safety and perhaps get into self-defense exercise by the summer of 2017. I may be a single woman for more years than I had hoped for and I feel if I plan to be alone, some knowledge of how to protect myself and feeling less vulnerable is a must. It also is the reason for joining the gym, to become physically stronger in my next decade or three or five of life. I get that inspiration from seeing men and women who have embraced strength training in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. I even saw a video on a 100 year old man running a race, yes, I want that to be me well into my elder years.

Unhealthy foods and habits need to be continually worked on. Many of those unhealthy choices stem from unhealthy thoughts about myself. I am a work in progress, and I will continue to improve not only my physical self but my mental self-defeating thoughts as well.

I will get back to reading and writing daily. At least two hours each day. I have to be diligent with schooling myself and since graduating from college last December, I haven’t been as much. I work in a monotonous job which wouldn’t challenge anyone over the age of six. If I strive to belong in intelligent conversations I need to work on my intellectual self daily.  One of my desires is to continue to blog, not as personal but as a knowledgeable person in my interests and passions. I have plenty of time in each day to work on these items. I live a simple and uncluttered life. I am looking forward to this year going towards my half century mark in life. I look forward to keeping this blog active and posting my results.

 

The Places

There are many places I’d like to see. As I sit in my yellow chair which my dear friend painted for me on a lonely afternoon a year ago, I think about those places and wonder. Wonder if I would really enjoy those places if I couldn’t share them with someone I loved. Am I brave enough to travel alone like I did a year ago, to Atlanta? To go to Mexico or Italy and stay on my own for a month or better to really be immersed in the culture of the area?

If I chose to do that, then I give up what I have here. A stable life with a cat as my companion, a dear man who sees me nearly every evening, a stable job that affords me little after my needs but offers me more as I invest years and provides me retirement funds. I’m at that midpoint in life where I realistically need to focus on those later years, not squander time and money into fleeting nomadic whims.

When I was married, that institution offered me a comfortable quilt of luxury and stability. I look back and wonder how did my husband do it? Provide that in his role? It wasn’t easy I’m sure and often times that feeling I had was a farce, a facade. That Disney- like image where the knight saves the princess by providing the temporary illusion of stability through material wants, like vacations or travel.

victim

Most of my inner conflict comes from such a tug of war- I live and work in a safe area. My adult children are nearby. My mom is an hour away and my aunt and cousins only two hours away. Life is good in so many ultra amazing ways…yet I am dreaming of more. Days off like today, where hours go by and I haven’t done anything but watch a movie and nap on the couch, talk to the cat and clean up a few dishes, I wonder what am I doing with my life? Does it matter if I don’t full fill those travel dreams in this lifetime?

Ten Minutes Until Midnight

It’s been awhile since I’ve been up this late on a Saturday night. Or if I have been, I didn’t really pay attention to the time like I am tonight. The title is the time and the time sounds as if it should be the beginning of a suspense thriller or murder mystery than just little ole me rambling about the time.

Today I went out early because I had an itch to get out of the house. I went to a neighboring town to get some petrol and decided to take an alternate route to get back home. I live in Florida which mimics an inferno at 8:30am, so I was wondering what water mass I could stick my feet in before heading back home. Clock in time for work was 6 hours away and there was so much time to do something, anything besides going back home. I end up on Highway 44 and spot a sign that says New Symrna 19 miles (30.57 km) away. Well now, the beach beacons! I decided then and there, why not? I have nothing pressing going on and really don’t need to be home to get ready for work for quite a while. I went to the beach. I am so glad I went! My stay was short, just shy of two hours.I haven’t gone alone in several years, always needing a plan and a partner.

tomorrow

12:02am. I need to remind myself occasionally to just say yes to the opportunities before me. Just do it, even if it isn’t planned, even if you have to go alone, just do it.

The Space Between

As a writer, I often reflect on the space between words, sometimes letters. When I reflect, I wonder in life do we allow ourselves such a luxury? Often, we rush through our days in a blur, from one task to the next until our heads hit the pillow for sleep. We all, at one time or another need to pause for sleep or rest. We often pause, for a bit at least, a bad habit such as drinking or smoking. These tend to be the space we give ourselves to moderate consumption. When angry or upset, we give each other space to cool off, to separate and the space to communicate in better ways at a later time.

It’s taken me nearly half my life to realize that life is all about the space between and less about the action of doing. In the action of doing, I feel we lose the essence of living. Once given, the space between allows us to regroup and take notice of our greatness or failures. This awareness today became such a wonderful experience for me; I’m outside gathering up shopping carts in the parking area in front of the store I work at. I took a deep breath and paused for a minute while waiting for a car to pass by. In that moment the Space Between thought happened. I started a list of how many spaces between activities I’ve taken. Thousands or ten- thousand! Maybe more!

I’m a mom of two young adults. Just in their two decades I have taken many life pauses where I have taken on many different and sometimes conflicting roles as a mother. I am also a sister, a daughter, a (ex) wife to two men, a girlfriend, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance. I have held many jobs and have greeted a Google of people on those jobs as a role in customer service. The pauses I’ve taken and the spaces between have been so numerous in one 24 hour period, it is mind blowing.

Enjoy the space between, the pauses, the awareness of life’s littlest gem, space.

Pressing-the-Pause-Button

The closest image to the ‘Space Between’

Happy Birthday Julia Child!

I often wonder where Julia got her zest for life from. Was it the shear luck of the domestic relationship she had with Paul or the time she grew up in? She published Mastering the Art of French Cooking in 1961, only a mere six years before I was born. In reading a little about her childhood, mine was identical sans the multitude of in- house cooks. T.V. dinners were the rage and an occasional exotic fondue, which was the only time my lips touched the taste of wine until I was 19 years old.

Like Julia, I didn’t know how to actually cook without a microwave until I was married. The first marriage happened when I was 20 years old and I felt this was a good idea since I didn’t feel I had a passion to articulate into wasting years in a college degree. Instead, I worked several jobs at once to keep me occupied and met a tall, dark man who tantalized my senses. At that young age I figured maybe being married was my career, and my career should have me being a retail working housewife and mother. Mr. Tall and Dark was a Sous Chef by a fault; his father was a cook in the Army and he had a knack for it through his father’s ‘career’ choice. His other passion was drinking and having a good time and that proved to be a bad choice for someone whom I wanted children with. By year two, I was seeking a divorce after he landed in jail for a weekend and I had my sights shortly after that on another man who seemed to be good husband/father material.

The first cookbook I owned was The Joy of Cooking. The first recipe I used called for sugar in the spaghetti sauce (NEVER AGAIN!) and it became a laughable joke for many years that I tried to kill the Second Husband through my attempts to cook. Second Husband was born in England to pure English stock parents who made their way to America when he was seven years old. Like Julia’s husband Paul, my Second Husband was 9 years older than me and grew up with a mixture of Illinois American heart attack foods and traditional English recipes like Roast Beef with Yorkshire Pudding and Potatoes. As a, still young, retail working housewife, Second Husband’s mom taught me how to cook traditional English/ American food dishes that my new husband was accustomed to eating. Two children later, I became a career housewife and mother, a true passion- filled career I cherished for nearly 20 years.

Cookbooks 2016

Today I am divorced a second time ( Second Husband thought he’d have a go with the other side of the fence) and have been living the single life (both children are independent adults) for nearly four years now. I did give college a try when I was 42 years old and graduated after six years last December with a bachelor degree in Interdisciplinary Studies which focused on Technical Writing and Research, Public Administration and Organizational Communication. I am still working in retail, appropriately I suppose, as a cashier and occasional bakery clerk in a major grocery store chain. I will be 49 years old in a few months and I am itching to do something else with my life. My passions are in teaching (individuals, not classrooms of students), cooking savory meals, and communication through the written word. I had thought I’d be a freelance Grant Writer for local non profits, yet that work is self- sacrificing and rarely earns one a living unless you are also doing other work like Administration on the side. I have the time to write but have yet to find the ambition to do so, either for myself or for others. In many ways I feel  somewhat stuck where I am and as about as free to do what I want (what is that exactly?) with my life without too many restrictions.

I realize that is the crux of my current position.

Happy Birthday Julia. You are truly an inspiration to me in that you laid the foundation of success (fortune in your own work) by following through with your passion. I am forever grateful for your perseverance and successful legacy you left all of us to enjoy.

Thankfully somewhere along the way I lost The Joy of Cooking cookbook and now own a copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking. 😀

Julia Child

Have Fun!

Life as a Single

I’ve been single just at two years now, yet it has only been recently that I have embraced this lifestyle. I have been enjoying it. It offers me vast amounts of time to observe and reflect. Unlike other divorced people I know on blogs or in real life, I do not have a young child that must continually switch between parents. My two children are young adults; 21 and 18 years old, and although they live with dad, they can come and go when they please. For close to a year I was separated from them through distance, but recently I have been able to move back to where they live and get to see them quite regularly. Distance in any relationship is difficult at best.

Living by myself often means I don’t have to follow anyone elses patterns of living. Although a challenge in a relationship, one often concedes to the other and soon enough a routine often sets in where you start to feel resentful but aren’t sure why. As a single observing two of my friends this week, I saw this play out. My male friend (who is also a single) told me he needed his space. I gave him a day of no contact, although even if we don’t see each other, we usually send a hello, how is your day text. This gentleman is reflective and meditates for hours everyday. I admire that quality and respect his privacy. He asked after a 24 hour hiatus if I were ok… insert smiley here. I am more than ok to give you the space, time and distance you need from me. He hasn’t experienced this type of ‘treatment’ before from a woman friend and said “I appreciate your independance!” I was amused and probably laughed out loud. Independance? Have I not displayed that quality in the last two years? Maybe at first when he gave me affection that I needed to feel ok, I was clingy, suffocating. In giving him the space and distance he needed, he saw how I’ve ‘grown’ in the short time we’ve known each other through this small, insignificant act. 

My other dear friend just celebrated her second year wedding anniversary. This is her second marriage; she tried to live as a single between marriages but couldn’t find her way. When a person is in a long term relationship of 10 + years, becoming a single overnight is a daunting and scary endeavor. I’ve experienced it. Of course the demise of a relationship of that length doesn’t happen overnight, yet when I was near the end of my own 20 year marriage, I never thought I’d end up single. I mean Edith and Archie Bunker lived together miserably for many decades, yet still showed each other affection once in a while. Even at our worst, I never suspected he would want me out of the home. Back to my friend: She sent me private message through Facebook last night from her bathroom. Yes, 42 years old with four children 2 biological/ 2 step, a very intelligent woman, locked in her bathroom. Why? Because her doting husband is bugging the be-jezus out of her. She basically explained to me, “I am constantly ‘on’ for him. I just want to be left alone for tonight.” From the outside looking in, you know they are happily married. Yet obviously he is not reading her signals by listening and watching her nonverbal cues and she isn’t communicating effectively with him by voicing her needs clearly. It is easy to say to someone tell him (her) how you feel, yet in practice… well I for one have been there. I know I placed a back-story onto everything I did in the latter years of my marriage. I would think before acting or reacting, “How is he going to react to this?” My own step- dad use to say “I’m walking on eggshells around here…” now I know exactly what he meant by that.

As a single I don’t have that relationship drama to contend with. I don’t have to explain why I am needing space or why I feel goofy and want to jump on the bed or play in the rain. Or why I like lettuce wilted (yet still crunchy!) under hot chicken stew. I don’t have to really answer to anyone but my employer and those entities I owe money to. I am feeling this freedom and loving it; conversely, I am missing being a part of a whole. How can this contrast be? We need each other. We need each other to give us the space and freedom to be ourselves.

 Schopenhauer’s fable fable about porcupines in a relationship sum up this little muse:

(Paraphrased) Several porcupines on a cold winter’s day try to cuddle with one another for warmth, security and companionship through the cold, terrifying storm. At first, these needs were met, but as their quills started to penetrate each others skin, they realized the pain and discomfort was unbearable and they were forced to retreat. Soon they became lonely and cold, so once again they tried to cuddle. They tried different positions. They tried. Once again the pain and discomfort became unbearable.

Freud wrote:

 

‘The evidence … shows that almost every intimate emotional relation between two people which lasts for some time–marriage, friendship, the relations between parents and children–contains a sediment of feelings of aversion and hostility, which only escapes perception as a result of repression’…

 

“All relationships … require us to contain contradictory feelings for the same person. As the poet Molly Peacock observed: “There must be room in love for hate.”

 

My last thought as a newly single is this: When I do find that I want to commit to another person longterm, I hope that through lovesick eyes I can see that we are just porcupines and through the ebb and flow of a relationship and backing away occasionally doesn’t mean loss or jealousy, but only space. Literal and simple, space. Space to feel a bit of freedom in a committed, ball and chain relationship we all tend to think of when traversing the long, sometimes challenging, everlasting, journey into a committed relationship.

Quote by Freud has been snagged from http://rummuser.com/?p=727