Hiding in Plain Sight

We all have secrets. The ones we like to keep hidden under a rug. I look at you and you look at me, wondering – what is it you are hiding, what is it I am hiding. Accountability. The truth. Monsters in the closet in the mind. Thoughts, ideas, judgements, fears, guilt. Only showing what you think is safe, I’m only showing you what I perceive won’t be used against me. Trust. Bury it. Safe in the ground. Under lock and key in the mind. Suspicion. Conspiracy Theory. Hiding in plain sight.

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Whispers. Dust bunnies. I see it in your face, you see it in my eyes, I hear it in the community, you hear it in my voice.

Secrets, hidden.

Don’t get caught!

Confession.

Tarot Card of the Week – Aug. 5th – 11th

Nine of Pentacles

Nine of Pentacles

Nine is a number of perfection and completion; the Nine of Pentacles shows both of these, in both the material and spiritual realms. Though primarily a materialistic card, as all the Pentacles are, it does bear a spiritual side as well. A lifetime of work and refinement brings not only material rewards, but wisdom and satisfaction as well. Abundance in material wealth leads to abundance in emotion, and that leads eventually to abundance in spirit. This relationship is reversible too, for through spiritual development we gain the means to become even richer.

The main focus of the Nine of Pentacles, again, is on the material plane. It shows a solid financial base, assured security and comfort. This is the natural end of the choice made on the Seven and the hard work of the Eight. Sometimes it will come through windfall or inheritance but in the majority of cases it must be earned and fought for. This provides the responsibility necessary to manage your new wealth, and the experience to decide what to do with it now. A certain degree of self-discipline is implied by the Nine, and with this self-discipline comes the assurance that your wealth will not be wasted or squandered.

You have a right to be proud of all you’ve accomplished, and others certainly should recognize your success. But if they do not, that is all right. The only judge of your success is you, and if you are pleased with yourself, that is all that matters. This is the lesson of the Nine of Pentacles: material success will help you build upon your own self-worth, and even if you lose all that physical wealth, your opinion of yourself can never be changed once it is established. It certainly can never be taken away from you. Enjoyment of your fortune does not depend on others, it depends on you!

The Nine of Pentacles is really a balance between material accomplishment and spiritual wisdom; a combination of having wealth and taking pleasure from it. This balance implies that you cannot concentrate on having wealth – you must learn from it and use it to develop your self-worth. Such development leads inevitably to future rewards such as raises and promotions, which will raise your self-esteem again. This card often shows the necessity to take a good look at yourself and see just how wealthy you really are, in terms of both the material and spiritual treasures in your possession. Wishes for success may already have been granted.

This page was made by James Rioux (The Black Shadow), bshadow@nbnet.nb.ca.
Copyright 2000 James Rioux.
http://www.ata-tarot.com/resource/cards/
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This card was an excellent pull from the deck this week. The Power Ball is at $400 million and I am actively gearing up for my college classes, plus volunteering with two non- profits doing exactly what I want to do after another 5+ years of college ahead of me! I am abundant even though tonight my bank account says otherwise. I am in awe and gratitude with the growth I have made in the time I have been on my own. Everyday that passes I KNOW that I am on the right path seeking my pot of gold at the end of my journey academically. I do my best not to freak out everyday knowing the Universe has my back. I am not given anything I can’t handle. All is well.
 

Daily Prompt: The Green – Eyed Monster

 

Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

 

by michelle w. on August 3, 2013

 

Write an anonymous letter to someone you’re jealous of.

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You and I have to talk. I know you were with him for nearly 10 years. I can’t believe that you stayed as long as you have though. Your relationship with him ended three years ago, yet you both are tied together in this life through a karma you both think has existed in multiple lifetimes. You haven’t moved on and he publicly keeps that persona of a relationship/ close friendship alive. I would like to say that from all accounts presented to me so far, you aren’t in a phsyical relationship with him, yet in town everyone says you are his girlfriend, significant other or they are confused with the closeness you both still share in public situations.

I’ve asked him to tell you that he is in a relationship with someone else. People talk and he is reluctant to spur off questions that this statement could present. Who? How? Why? And good god, she is so much younger than you are! So, I can see both sides. Him saying anything would create a dust bowl of gossip that none of us need.

For the most part my relationship with him as time goes on becomes more secure and I can keep the green – eyed monster in the closet, safety latch secure. Yet like an elephant in the room the three of us walk around bumping into it every once in awhile. Still, we remain mute and give courtesy through light conversations and awkward knowing. The thing is the three of us have yet to be in mutual triad company together in public. This makes me feel excluded in a way that makes me think that green -eyed monster is never in the secured closet, but right next to my other nemesis, fear. Whatever this secret triangle we share in this lifetime, I hope it doesn’t recreate itself in other lifetimes. Once is enough for me. For now, you aren’t my enemy, just a person I keep at a distance knowing how my thoughts can create words carelessly tempted to burst out of my mouth or actions that perhaps I won’t consciously place consideration on if we cross on a bad day, yours or mine. Your personality is strong, outgoing and you ask questions after you speak you mind. I am passive, quiet and reserved with my thoughts verbally unspoken unless I feel threatened. We are two very different people who care for the same man. Because of that bond you shared and your close proximity to his daily interactions in social situations, I doubt my green – eyed monster will slink away quietly. Still, I will hold out hope, since that is why I remain steadfast in a beautiful relationship with him. In time (time heals) I hope the monster fades into the distance. You knowing something, even intuitively, would suffice for me. Until that happens, there is a monster between us.     

 

Sun Rise at the Beach

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It was a pleasant morning. My suitor asked if I would like to have breakfast in New Symrna, the closest beach town to where we live. I of course yelled “YES” internally and fist pumped the air since I was at work when I received the text.

Needless to say it was a lovely morning. We went for a walk along the beach and I took just a few pictures. The time spent with him this morning walking along the beach, talking and smiling just made my heart sing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tarot Card of the week : July 22 – 28th

Three of Cups

Three of Cups

Rather than simply two forces working together towards the purposes of love and harmony, the Three of Cups represents all kinds of people or groups who work as one. The figures pictured on the Three of Cups are always joyful, celebrating some success together, and thus the card shows us that happy times spent in the company of our friends and loved one become even happier, while sad times become a little less sad. This is one of the many powers of the group, and the community as a whole, that are explored through the card called the Three of Cups.

The influence of the community is very powerful in this card; and though each member of this community is different they can and will often work together in harmony. This card is often a sign of the true power of the group: to bring people of all ages and ways of life together, to achieve a common goal. It is a sign that you should seek out other people to celebrate your success along with you. But bear this in mind: in such groups, it is essential that everyone has common ground, but it is also important that not everyone is the same. It is similarities which bring people together; but it is differences which make them strong.

Any occasion where people celebrate together can be indicated by the Three of Cups; including weddings, anniversaries, parties, baby showers, community festivities, etc. For the moment, even though life’s problems go on, you can take time out to forget about the hassles of the everyday world and enjoy the company of your friends and loved one. Such respites are often needed before and after periods of high stress, to stop you from getting burned out emotionally or physically. When this card appears and you are in a lot of stress, take some time off to recuperate, and gain the support of friends before returning to battle.

The sentiments expressed on this card are deep and unusual, not fully visible just from the appearance of the card. It is a kind of love that many people search for their entire lives and yet never find, while others do nothing and it seems to flow right to them. If you are one of this latter group, enjoy it as much as you can! If yo are in the first category, maybe you’ve been looking too hard for that which you already have. Everyone has an abundant life in his or her own way, and the appearance of the Three of Cups is a sign to count your blessings and be thankful for every one.

 

This page was made by James Rioux (The Black Shadow), bshadow@nbnet.nb.ca.
Copyright 2000 James Rioux.
 
I have had some things to celebrate this last week:
1. A possible job opportunity
2. An intern opportunity for a year!
3. Firming up an extern opportunity that will take place in August
4. More hours this week at work – I might make rent on my own!
5. Getting through another week and feeling abundantly rich in life
6. Being in love and losing that relationship. I know this one is hard to grasp, especially after a sleepless night filled with tears… I love him and our time together for the 3,4,5 months it’s been was filled with more joy than I have experienced in a long time. So although I am sad beyond comprehension I can look forward and say to anyone, “He is a good man. I wish him well.” Without sadness I would not know joy as well as I have this year and without joy I could not experience this level of sadness. I am thankful for both.
 

Following My Followers

I feel I have to bring this up. I follow some 60 people and about that many bloggers follow me. I like that in my own way, I acknowledge their greatness by following them as they do when following or liking my posts. I don’t every day get to read others posts (there are so many of you that post more than once a day!) but I do try to spend the first waking hours reading and usually contributing a little myself. I went through a period of time ( mid -April to the end of June) where I really just didn’t want to post/ share. A lot of that has to do with my situation that had me in a bit of a depression. All I really wanted to do was journal and read… and be quiet. I ignored an ‘award’ someone gave me during this period and I am feeling a tad bad about it. I really couldn’t accept it while feeling so lowly and not producing much of anything on here. I will have been on here posting for a year come August 6th. Last August was when the sh*t hit the fan in my life; the end all argument that broke the threads holding my 20 year marriage together. This blog wasn’t started because of that happening; in actuality it was started a few weeks before that fight to give myself a creative outlet. 

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Instead, this blog has been an emotional outlet to make my voice heard through the despair of being separated from my family base. 

Getting back to you, my followers, I just want to say thank you for your support. Thank you for reading my sometimes painful messages and rejoicing with me with my tiny steps towards creating myself as a single, independent person for the first time in my life. I am happy to report I am so much better off today than I was a year ago, mentally and emotionally. As I close out the year, beginning in August and looking forward to another year as August passes by, I hope to direct my writing towards more of a interest based theme again. I will still talk about emotions – heck don’t we all need to be able to understand them in order to feel like we control them? but not as much as I have done previously. I believe I will use my bucket list as a soft outline and see where that leads my writing. Within the next few weeks the site will start changing, and hopfully become more concrete as I make those changes. I am looking forward to this new year. Thank you again for your support and kind words! Without you following me, I may not have held on this long with placing my thoughts in this blog.

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. Albert Schweitzer 

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201111/the-seven-best-gratitude-quotes

Daily Post: Flip Flop

The very first thing to come to mind about me making a decision and then flip flopping back to what was originally going on is my relationship with my ex – boyfriend. I was in turmoil about two weeks ago; so many things whispered you need to let this relationship go. I got myself worked up with gloom and doom, mostly because I love, LOVE, LoVe his company. Yet after telling him we have to be through, we can’t go on with this, I missed his presence so much that after three days I sent him an e-mail. One that said “I miss you” but I am confident my decision to break things off between us is better for us both.

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He sent me a text and the rest is his story. In my mind he is still my “ex”. Maybe that alone was all I needed to do to forget about the expectations I undoubtably placed on our young relationship. I took full blame that it was my issues that I felt seperated us. My personal baggage that I am still trying to unload from my heart and soul. It is so hard not to fall back on past experiences, fears and doubts and overlay them on current relationships, friendships and experiences. I know as humans we are all guilty of doing that. My contribution was mucking up a perfectly good relationship with this man.

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We are back to seeing each other about four times a week. I am more relaxed and not so edgy that he is going to walk away at any given moment. I’ve stopped thinking of myself as his mistress and he is working on including me into his community and tight knit circle of friends. We are both working on building our network of mutual friends that aren’t his or mine. I think we are both content with how things are developing even sometimes at a snails pace. I know that all good things will come to an end, I just hope I can keep my doubts and fears locked in the deep recesses of my memory banks, filed under the PAST and not with the PRESENT or FUTURE.

Everyone messes up in relationships and has peaks and valleys in their personal lives. When I realized it wasn’t the end  of the world and I would keep on standing, I knew it was going to be OK. “Emmy Rossum

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